just always in the same place.
not sure if i can change.
NCBD: hawkeye #3, paper girls #11, deadly class #26
ugh! getting so behind on giant days and goldie vance!!
"the only thing that stops / a bad man with a gun / is a good man with a gun / the lies they use to control you" - TOO REAL.
i want to start writing real songs but it just feels safe to stick with harry potter. it's scary enough being on stage playing those. or even helping mat with his stuff. i don't know. i'm tired. xanax time.
what if he tells me to share the pizza with my girlfriend?
it's embarrassing how bad i am at this shit.
a year has gone by since my status flipped from "committed af" to "open relationship" and i can still count my experiences outside of her on one hand with fingers to spare.
there's a scratch on my brain.
the way you said my name on repeat.
i have no idea what i'm doing.
current jam: glitter by charly bliss. don't psychoanalyze.
1. fergie blaring hardcore for a sec. thanks, caty.
2. idk not that time i mentioned blow up dolls?
3. fettuccine alfredo being fucking delicious.
4. somehow surviving awkward small talk...
5. caty knowing when to reach for my hand.
6. laine taking us rollerskating after dinner.
ANYWAY. laine is a gryffindor and i think i like him. he's intimidating as heck but he's also sweet and doesn't seem to mind we're socially inept. he's a good guy and i'm interested in seeing where this goes but i can't tell how caty feels about everything. i know you'd be unimpressed. (you're always unimpressed.) whatever.
we’re gonna play…
1. so into spew
2. accio draco
3. chamber danger
4. love good? love bad!
5. nearly headless prick
6. umbridge to nowhere
current plan - ask laine to stay tonight?
would that be weird? it’s all weird, i guess.
we’ll keep the moonlight
out of sight
i’ll keep on holding you
don’t go changing, don’t you hide
we’ve got death eaters to fight
we’re in this, me and you
we’re in this, just us two
TOTALLY ABOUT LUPIN!!!
i'm fumbling with my compass but wherever we go, we go together.
sledding with tigers - sunshine
simon love - the new adam & eve
and the kids - secret makeout factory
bad luck - love song
said the whale - the light is you
zolof the rock and roll destroyer - argh…i’m a pirate
jonathan richman - everyday clothes
pwr bttm - dairy queen
petal - heaven
moose blood - gum
ps. “sugar high, sugar crash. hulk smash!!”
fuck! i’m supposed to write everyday,
unpack what’s in my head onto paper.
can’t say that i do it but i try and
kick it out somehow.
you make a good housewife.
other half status? platonic. neurotic. whatever.
usually that’s what’s in there. sad!
NCBD: patsy walker aka hellcat #15, sex criminals #16
can’t wait for him to get home.
can’t wait to be in his mouth for the first time.
can’t wait to see what happens next.
anticipation. frustration. an ache in my chest.
i want him to be different than the rest.
i want this. i want this? i want this!
not sure why i’m still depressed.
need. want. who knows. it’s hard to say most days. marriage is mostly a social construct anyway. overrated. counterproductive. i’ve never seen one that didn’t make my hands shake under the dinner table. my stomach twists in knots when i think about the future. not sure who to blame for that.
keep thinking about that night. it’s been so long. too late to tell you. too late to beg for more. too sure it didn’t mean anything. not to you. but it doesn’t take much to take me back there. cigarette smoke. tangled sheets. sweat on my forehead. the way you say my name when you feel too much.
do you ever think about it? the drag of my lips across your collarbone. my breath on your neck. your hands in my hair. warm skin and wet kisses. thighs shaking with you inside me. tumbling toward the edge but holding on together. too much. not enough. please tell me you think about it. about me.
talked to caty about what the heck we're doing yesterday.
she's scared. i'm playing it cool with everyone but i'm scared, too.
i gotta fucking relax.
this whole thing is supposed to be what i want and here i am stressing the frick out over it like it's not LITERALLY FUCKING AWESOME that i have a badass girlfriend and a hot dude wanting my dick all the time. get out of your head, milo.
you know what's a good song?
over before it began by joyce manor.
a real bop. ha.
- endless supply of gifs
- tolerating you
- redirecting barf
- making you smile
- writing well
- being in a band despite having anxiety***
- being introspective
- i’m losing track
- making me be nice to myself